TedTest

From the Ted Talk by Ryan Martin: Why some anger can be good for you

Unscramble the Blue Letters

I want you to iiagnme that you get a text from a friend, and it reads, "You will not believe what just happened. I'm so mad right now." So you do the dutiful thing as a friend, and you ask for details, and they tell you a story about what happened to them at the gym or at work or on their date last night. You listen, and you try to understand why they're so mad. Maybe you even slceerty judge whether or not they should be so mad. (Laughter) Maybe you even offer some suggestions. Now, in that moment, you are doing essentially what I get to do every day because I'm an anger researcher, and as an anger researcher, I spned a good part of my professional life - who am I kidding, also my personal life - (Laughter) sinyudtg why people get mad. I sduty the types of thoughts they have when they get mad and even what they do then, whether it's getting into fights or breaking things or even yelling at people in all caps on the Internet. (Laughter) As you can imagine, when people hear I'm an anger researcher, they want to talk to me about their anger and srhae with me their anger stories. It's not because they need a tprahiset, though that does sometimes happen, it's really because anger is universal. It's something we all feel, and it's something they can relate to. We've been feeling it since the first few months of life, when we didn't get what we wanted and our cries of protests, things like, "What do you mean, you won't pick up the rattle, dad? I want it!" (Laughter) We feel it throughout our teenage years, as my mom can certainly attest to with me. Sorry, mom. We feel it to the very end. In fact, anger has been with us at some of the wrost mnomets of our lives; it's a natural and expected part of our grief. But it's also been with us at some of the best moments of our lives, with those special oacniocss like wnddgeis and vacations often marred by these eydvarey frustrations - bad weahter, tarvel delays - that feel horrible in the moment but then are ultimately forgotten when things go okay. So I have many conversations with people about their anger, and through those conversations, I've laerend that many ppleoe - and I bet many people here right now - you see anger as a problem. You see the way it interferes in your life, the way it damages raihslopneits, maybe even in a way that's scary. And while I get all of that, I see anger a little differently, and today I want to tell you something important about your anger, and it's this: Anger is a powerful and healthy force in your life. It's good that you feel it. You need to feel it. But to understand all of that, we have to back up and talk about why we get mad in the first pcale. A lot of this goes back to the work of an anger researcher named Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher, who wrote about this back in 1996 in a book ctehapr on how to deal with problematic anger. For most of us - and I bet most of you - it flees as simple as this: I get mad when I'm provoked. Right? You hear it in the language people use. They say things like, "It makes me so mad when people drive this slow." Or "I got mad because she left the milk out again." Or my favorite: "I don't have an anger problem; people just need to stop messing with me." (Laughter) Now, in the spirit of better understanding those types of provocations, I ask a lot of people, including my friends and ceoaluegls and even family, "What are the things that really get to you? What makes you mad?" And by the way, one of the advantages of being an anger researcher is that I've spnet more than a decade generating a comprehensive list of all the things that really itratrie my colleagues. Right? Just in case I need it. (Laughter) But their answers are fitinasancg because they say things like, "When my storps team loses," "People who chew too lduloy." And it's surprisingly common, by the way. (Laughter) "People who walk too slowly." That one's mine. And of course, roundabouts. Right? Roundabouts. (Laughter) I can tell you honestly, there is no rage like roundabout rage. (Laughter) Sometimes their answers aren't minor at all. Sometimes they talk about racism and sexism and bnlilyug and environmental destruction, big global problems we all face. But sometimes, their answers are very specific, maybe even oddly sicifepc. "That wet line you get across your shrit when you accidentally lean against the ctueonr of a public bathroom." (Laughter) Yeah, super gross, right? Or, "Flash drives - there's only two ways to plug them in, so why does it always take me three tries?" (lehgautr) Whether it's minor or moajr, whether it's general or specific, we can look at these examples, and we can taese out some common themes. We get angry in situations that are unpleasant, that feel unfair, where our goals are blocked, that could have been avoided, and that leave us feeling powerless. This is a recipe for anger, but you can also tell that anger is probably not the only thing we're feeling in these sntoiuitas - right? Anger doesn't haeppn in a vacuum. We can feel angry at the same time that we're secard or sad or feeling a host of other emotions. But here's the thing. These provocations - they aren't making us mad. At least not on their own, and we know that because if they were, we'd all get angry over the same things, and we don't. The reasons I get angry are different than the reasons you get angry, so there's got to be something else going on. What is that something else? Well, we know what we're doing and fnelieg at the moment of that provocation matters. We call this the pre-anger state. Are you hgruny, are you tired? Are you anxious about something else, are you rniunng late for something? When you're feeling those things, those provocations feel that much worse. But what matters the most is not the povtorioacn, it's not the pre-anger state, it's this: it's how we interpret that provocation, it's how we make snese of it in our lives. When something happens to us, we first decide: is this good or bad; is it fair or unfair; is it blameworthy; is it punishable? That's primary appraisal, it's when you evaluate the event itself. We decide what it means in the context of our lives, and then, once we've done that, we decide how bad it is. That's secondary appraisal. We say, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened, or can I cope with this?" To irlauttlse that, I want you to imagine you are driving somewhere. Before I go any further, I should tell you if I were an evil geiuns, and I wanted to create a siutoitan that was going to make you mad, that situation would look a lot like driving. (Laughter) It's true. You are, by definition, on your way somewhere, so everything that happens - traffic, other drivers, road cnstuotciron - it feels like it's blocking your galos. There are all these written and uirtntwen rules of the road, and those rules are rnelotuiy vaeotild right in front of you, usually without consequence. And who's violating those rules? Anonymous others, people you will never see again, maikng them a very easy target for your wrath. (Laughter) So you're driving somewhere, thus teed up to be angry, and the person in fnort of you is driving well below the seped liimt. It's frustrating because you can't really see why they're dnirivg so slow. Right? That's primary appraisal. You've looked at this and you said, "It's bad and it's blameworthy." But maybe you also decide it's not that big a deal. You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter. That's secondary appraisal. You don't get angry. But now imagine you're on your way to a job interview. What that person is doing - it hasn't changed. Right? So, paimrry appraisal doesn't change: still bad, still blameworthy. But your ability to cope with it sure does because all of a sudden, you're going to be late to that job iietevrnw. All of a sudden, you are not going to get your darem job, the one that was going to give you piles and pelis of money - right? (Laughter) Somebody else is going to get your dream job, and you're going to be broke. You're going to be destitute. You might as well stop now, turn around, move in with your parents. (Laughter) Why? Because of this person in front of me. Scratch that; this is not a person. This is a monster. (Laughter) And this monster is here just to ruin your life. (Laughter) Now, that thought process, it's called catastrophizing, the one where we make the worst of things. It's one of the primary tepys of thgothus that we know is associated with chronic anger. But there's a couple of others. Misattributing ciotsauan. agnry people tend to put blmae where it doesn't belong, not just on people, but actually inanimate objects as well. If you think that sounds rculidious, think about the last time you lost your car keys, and you said, "Where did those car keys go?" Because you know they ran off on their own. (Laughter) They tend to overgeneralize. They use words like always, never, every. "This always happens to me." "I never get what I want." Or, "I hit every sithglpot on the way here today." Demandingness - they put their own needs ahead of the needs of others. "I don't care why this person is driving so slow. They need to speed up or move over so I can get to this job interview." And finally, inflammatory labeling. They call people fools, idtios, monsters, or a whole bunch of things I've been told not to say in this TED talk. (Laughter) For a long time, psychologists have referred to these as cognitive dirntitosos or even irrational beliefs, and yes, sometimes they are irrational. Maybe even most of the time. But sometimes, these thoughts are totally rantiaol. There is unfairness in the wrlod. There are creul, selfish people, and it's not only okay to be angry when we're treated poorly, it's right to be angry when we're treated poorly. If there's one thing I want you to remember from my talk today, it's this: Your anger exists in you as an emotion because it offered your anecrtoss, both human and non hmuan, with an evolutionary advantage. Just as your fear alerts you to danger, your anger alerts you to injustice. It's one of the ways your barin communicates to you that you have had enough. What's more, it energizes you to confront that iujistcne. Think for a second about the last time you got mad. Your heart rate increased, your breathing increased, you satterd to sweat. That's your sahtmiptyec nverous system, or fight-or-flight system, kicking in to oeffr you the eenrgy you need to respond. And that's just the stuff you noticed. At the same time, your digestive system slowed down so you can conserve energy. That's why your mouth went dry. Your bolod vessels dilated to get blood to your extremities. That's why your face went red. It's all part of this cmpeolx pttearn of piocahlgoisyl experiences that esxit today because they helped your ancestors deal with cruel and unforgiving forces of nature. The prboelm is that the thing your ancestors did to deal with their anger, to pishclylay fihgt, they're no longer reasonable or appropriate. You can't and you shouldn't swing a club every time you're provoked. (Laughter) But here's the good news. You are capable of something your non-human ancestors weren't claapbe of, and that is the capacity to ralteuge your emotions. Even when you want to lash out, you can stop yourself, and you can channel that anger into something more productive. So often when we talk about anger, we talk about how to keep from getting angry. We tell people to calm down or relax; we even tell people to let it go. All of that assumes that anger is bad, and that it's wrong to feel it. But instead, I like to think of anger as a motivator. The same way your trsiht motivates you to get a drink of water, the same way your hngeur motivates you to get a bite to eat, your anger can motivate you to rnesopd to injustice. Because we don't have to think too hard to find things we should be mad about. When we go back to the beginning, yes, some of those things are silly and not worth getting angry over, but racism, sexism, bullying, environmental destruction - those things are real, those things are terrible, and the only way to fix them is to get mad first, and then channel that aegnr into fighting back. You don't have to fight back with aggression or hostility or violence. There are iifntine ways that you can express your anger. You can protest; you can write letters to the editor; you can donate to and volunteer for causes. You can create art; you can create literature; you can create poetry and music. You can ctraee a community that craes for one another and does not allow those atrocities to happen. So the next time you feel yourself getting angry, instead of trying to turn it off, I hope you'll listen to what that anger is telling you, and then I hope you'll channel it into something positive and productive. Thank you. (aspulape)

Open Cloze

I want you to _______ that you get a text from a friend, and it reads, "You will not believe what just happened. I'm so mad right now." So you do the dutiful thing as a friend, and you ask for details, and they tell you a story about what happened to them at the gym or at work or on their date last night. You listen, and you try to understand why they're so mad. Maybe you even ________ judge whether or not they should be so mad. (Laughter) Maybe you even offer some suggestions. Now, in that moment, you are doing essentially what I get to do every day because I'm an anger researcher, and as an anger researcher, I _____ a good part of my professional life - who am I kidding, also my personal life - (Laughter) ________ why people get mad. I _____ the types of thoughts they have when they get mad and even what they do then, whether it's getting into fights or breaking things or even yelling at people in all caps on the Internet. (Laughter) As you can imagine, when people hear I'm an anger researcher, they want to talk to me about their anger and _____ with me their anger stories. It's not because they need a _________, though that does sometimes happen, it's really because anger is universal. It's something we all feel, and it's something they can relate to. We've been feeling it since the first few months of life, when we didn't get what we wanted and our cries of protests, things like, "What do you mean, you won't pick up the rattle, dad? I want it!" (Laughter) We feel it throughout our teenage years, as my mom can certainly attest to with me. Sorry, mom. We feel it to the very end. In fact, anger has been with us at some of the _____ _______ of our lives; it's a natural and expected part of our grief. But it's also been with us at some of the best moments of our lives, with those special _________ like ________ and vacations often marred by these ________ frustrations - bad _______, ______ delays - that feel horrible in the moment but then are ultimately forgotten when things go okay. So I have many conversations with people about their anger, and through those conversations, I've _______ that many ______ - and I bet many people here right now - you see anger as a problem. You see the way it interferes in your life, the way it damages _____________, maybe even in a way that's scary. And while I get all of that, I see anger a little differently, and today I want to tell you something important about your anger, and it's this: Anger is a powerful and healthy force in your life. It's good that you feel it. You need to feel it. But to understand all of that, we have to back up and talk about why we get mad in the first _____. A lot of this goes back to the work of an anger researcher named Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher, who wrote about this back in 1996 in a book _______ on how to deal with problematic anger. For most of us - and I bet most of you - it _____ as simple as this: I get mad when I'm provoked. Right? You hear it in the language people use. They say things like, "It makes me so mad when people drive this slow." Or "I got mad because she left the milk out again." Or my favorite: "I don't have an anger problem; people just need to stop messing with me." (Laughter) Now, in the spirit of better understanding those types of provocations, I ask a lot of people, including my friends and __________ and even family, "What are the things that really get to you? What makes you mad?" And by the way, one of the advantages of being an anger researcher is that I've _____ more than a decade generating a comprehensive list of all the things that really ________ my colleagues. Right? Just in case I need it. (Laughter) But their answers are ___________ because they say things like, "When my ______ team loses," "People who chew too ______." And it's surprisingly common, by the way. (Laughter) "People who walk too slowly." That one's mine. And of course, roundabouts. Right? Roundabouts. (Laughter) I can tell you honestly, there is no rage like roundabout rage. (Laughter) Sometimes their answers aren't minor at all. Sometimes they talk about racism and sexism and ________ and environmental destruction, big global problems we all face. But sometimes, their answers are very specific, maybe even oddly ________. "That wet line you get across your _____ when you accidentally lean against the _______ of a public bathroom." (Laughter) Yeah, super gross, right? Or, "Flash drives - there's only two ways to plug them in, so why does it always take me three tries?" (________) Whether it's minor or _____, whether it's general or specific, we can look at these examples, and we can _____ out some common themes. We get angry in situations that are unpleasant, that feel unfair, where our goals are blocked, that could have been avoided, and that leave us feeling powerless. This is a recipe for anger, but you can also tell that anger is probably not the only thing we're feeling in these __________ - right? Anger doesn't ______ in a vacuum. We can feel angry at the same time that we're ______ or sad or feeling a host of other emotions. But here's the thing. These provocations - they aren't making us mad. At least not on their own, and we know that because if they were, we'd all get angry over the same things, and we don't. The reasons I get angry are different than the reasons you get angry, so there's got to be something else going on. What is that something else? Well, we know what we're doing and _______ at the moment of that provocation matters. We call this the pre-anger state. Are you ______, are you tired? Are you anxious about something else, are you _______ late for something? When you're feeling those things, those provocations feel that much worse. But what matters the most is not the ___________, it's not the pre-anger state, it's this: it's how we interpret that provocation, it's how we make _____ of it in our lives. When something happens to us, we first decide: is this good or bad; is it fair or unfair; is it blameworthy; is it punishable? That's primary appraisal, it's when you evaluate the event itself. We decide what it means in the context of our lives, and then, once we've done that, we decide how bad it is. That's secondary appraisal. We say, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened, or can I cope with this?" To __________ that, I want you to imagine you are driving somewhere. Before I go any further, I should tell you if I were an evil ______, and I wanted to create a _________ that was going to make you mad, that situation would look a lot like driving. (Laughter) It's true. You are, by definition, on your way somewhere, so everything that happens - traffic, other drivers, road ____________ - it feels like it's blocking your _____. There are all these written and _________ rules of the road, and those rules are _________ ________ right in front of you, usually without consequence. And who's violating those rules? Anonymous others, people you will never see again, ______ them a very easy target for your wrath. (Laughter) So you're driving somewhere, thus teed up to be angry, and the person in _____ of you is driving well below the _____ _____. It's frustrating because you can't really see why they're _______ so slow. Right? That's primary appraisal. You've looked at this and you said, "It's bad and it's blameworthy." But maybe you also decide it's not that big a deal. You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter. That's secondary appraisal. You don't get angry. But now imagine you're on your way to a job interview. What that person is doing - it hasn't changed. Right? So, _______ appraisal doesn't change: still bad, still blameworthy. But your ability to cope with it sure does because all of a sudden, you're going to be late to that job _________. All of a sudden, you are not going to get your _____ job, the one that was going to give you piles and _____ of money - right? (Laughter) Somebody else is going to get your dream job, and you're going to be broke. You're going to be destitute. You might as well stop now, turn around, move in with your parents. (Laughter) Why? Because of this person in front of me. Scratch that; this is not a person. This is a monster. (Laughter) And this monster is here just to ruin your life. (Laughter) Now, that thought process, it's called catastrophizing, the one where we make the worst of things. It's one of the primary _____ of ________ that we know is associated with chronic anger. But there's a couple of others. Misattributing _________. _____ people tend to put _____ where it doesn't belong, not just on people, but actually inanimate objects as well. If you think that sounds __________, think about the last time you lost your car keys, and you said, "Where did those car keys go?" Because you know they ran off on their own. (Laughter) They tend to overgeneralize. They use words like always, never, every. "This always happens to me." "I never get what I want." Or, "I hit every _________ on the way here today." Demandingness - they put their own needs ahead of the needs of others. "I don't care why this person is driving so slow. They need to speed up or move over so I can get to this job interview." And finally, inflammatory labeling. They call people fools, ______, monsters, or a whole bunch of things I've been told not to say in this TED talk. (Laughter) For a long time, psychologists have referred to these as cognitive ___________ or even irrational beliefs, and yes, sometimes they are irrational. Maybe even most of the time. But sometimes, these thoughts are totally ________. There is unfairness in the _____. There are _____, selfish people, and it's not only okay to be angry when we're treated poorly, it's right to be angry when we're treated poorly. If there's one thing I want you to remember from my talk today, it's this: Your anger exists in you as an emotion because it offered your _________, both human and non _____, with an evolutionary advantage. Just as your fear alerts you to danger, your anger alerts you to injustice. It's one of the ways your _____ communicates to you that you have had enough. What's more, it energizes you to confront that _________. Think for a second about the last time you got mad. Your heart rate increased, your breathing increased, you _______ to sweat. That's your ___________ _______ system, or fight-or-flight system, kicking in to _____ you the ______ you need to respond. And that's just the stuff you noticed. At the same time, your digestive system slowed down so you can conserve energy. That's why your mouth went dry. Your _____ vessels dilated to get blood to your extremities. That's why your face went red. It's all part of this _______ _______ of _____________ experiences that _____ today because they helped your ancestors deal with cruel and unforgiving forces of nature. The _______ is that the thing your ancestors did to deal with their anger, to __________ _____, they're no longer reasonable or appropriate. You can't and you shouldn't swing a club every time you're provoked. (Laughter) But here's the good news. You are capable of something your non-human ancestors weren't _______ of, and that is the capacity to ________ your emotions. Even when you want to lash out, you can stop yourself, and you can channel that anger into something more productive. So often when we talk about anger, we talk about how to keep from getting angry. We tell people to calm down or relax; we even tell people to let it go. All of that assumes that anger is bad, and that it's wrong to feel it. But instead, I like to think of anger as a motivator. The same way your ______ motivates you to get a drink of water, the same way your ______ motivates you to get a bite to eat, your anger can motivate you to _______ to injustice. Because we don't have to think too hard to find things we should be mad about. When we go back to the beginning, yes, some of those things are silly and not worth getting angry over, but racism, sexism, bullying, environmental destruction - those things are real, those things are terrible, and the only way to fix them is to get mad first, and then channel that _____ into fighting back. You don't have to fight back with aggression or hostility or violence. There are ________ ways that you can express your anger. You can protest; you can write letters to the editor; you can donate to and volunteer for causes. You can create art; you can create literature; you can create poetry and music. You can ______ a community that _____ for one another and does not allow those atrocities to happen. So the next time you feel yourself getting angry, instead of trying to turn it off, I hope you'll listen to what that anger is telling you, and then I hope you'll channel it into something positive and productive. Thank you. (________)

Solution

blame
brain
unwritten
feeling
idiots
pattern
construction
sense
causation
situations
cares
fascinating
scared
sports
world
regulate
piles
imagine
stoplight
exist
weather
moments
feels
thoughts
specific
violated
primary
therapist
anger
sympathetic
everyday
share
distortions
studying
spent
driving
capable
illustrate
energy
fight
making
bullying
interview
relationships
thirst
goals
people
occasions
worst
applause
happen
human
physically
cruel
limit
hungry
laughter
genius
place
dream
create
infinite
provocation
blood
angry
counter
learned
respond
complex
loudly
major
running
ridiculous
rational
irritate
spend
problem
study
speed
colleagues
tease
nervous
weddings
injustice
chapter
types
travel
offer
physiological
started
situation
shirt
ancestors
secretly
front
routinely
hunger

Original Text

I want you to imagine that you get a text from a friend, and it reads, "You will not believe what just happened. I'm so mad right now." So you do the dutiful thing as a friend, and you ask for details, and they tell you a story about what happened to them at the gym or at work or on their date last night. You listen, and you try to understand why they're so mad. Maybe you even secretly judge whether or not they should be so mad. (Laughter) Maybe you even offer some suggestions. Now, in that moment, you are doing essentially what I get to do every day because I'm an anger researcher, and as an anger researcher, I spend a good part of my professional life - who am I kidding, also my personal life - (Laughter) studying why people get mad. I study the types of thoughts they have when they get mad and even what they do then, whether it's getting into fights or breaking things or even yelling at people in all caps on the Internet. (Laughter) As you can imagine, when people hear I'm an anger researcher, they want to talk to me about their anger and share with me their anger stories. It's not because they need a therapist, though that does sometimes happen, it's really because anger is universal. It's something we all feel, and it's something they can relate to. We've been feeling it since the first few months of life, when we didn't get what we wanted and our cries of protests, things like, "What do you mean, you won't pick up the rattle, dad? I want it!" (Laughter) We feel it throughout our teenage years, as my mom can certainly attest to with me. Sorry, mom. We feel it to the very end. In fact, anger has been with us at some of the worst moments of our lives; it's a natural and expected part of our grief. But it's also been with us at some of the best moments of our lives, with those special occasions like weddings and vacations often marred by these everyday frustrations - bad weather, travel delays - that feel horrible in the moment but then are ultimately forgotten when things go okay. So I have many conversations with people about their anger, and through those conversations, I've learned that many people - and I bet many people here right now - you see anger as a problem. You see the way it interferes in your life, the way it damages relationships, maybe even in a way that's scary. And while I get all of that, I see anger a little differently, and today I want to tell you something important about your anger, and it's this: Anger is a powerful and healthy force in your life. It's good that you feel it. You need to feel it. But to understand all of that, we have to back up and talk about why we get mad in the first place. A lot of this goes back to the work of an anger researcher named Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher, who wrote about this back in 1996 in a book chapter on how to deal with problematic anger. For most of us - and I bet most of you - it feels as simple as this: I get mad when I'm provoked. Right? You hear it in the language people use. They say things like, "It makes me so mad when people drive this slow." Or "I got mad because she left the milk out again." Or my favorite: "I don't have an anger problem; people just need to stop messing with me." (Laughter) Now, in the spirit of better understanding those types of provocations, I ask a lot of people, including my friends and colleagues and even family, "What are the things that really get to you? What makes you mad?" And by the way, one of the advantages of being an anger researcher is that I've spent more than a decade generating a comprehensive list of all the things that really irritate my colleagues. Right? Just in case I need it. (Laughter) But their answers are fascinating because they say things like, "When my sports team loses," "People who chew too loudly." And it's surprisingly common, by the way. (Laughter) "People who walk too slowly." That one's mine. And of course, roundabouts. Right? Roundabouts. (Laughter) I can tell you honestly, there is no rage like roundabout rage. (Laughter) Sometimes their answers aren't minor at all. Sometimes they talk about racism and sexism and bullying and environmental destruction, big global problems we all face. But sometimes, their answers are very specific, maybe even oddly specific. "That wet line you get across your shirt when you accidentally lean against the counter of a public bathroom." (Laughter) Yeah, super gross, right? Or, "Flash drives - there's only two ways to plug them in, so why does it always take me three tries?" (Laughter) Whether it's minor or major, whether it's general or specific, we can look at these examples, and we can tease out some common themes. We get angry in situations that are unpleasant, that feel unfair, where our goals are blocked, that could have been avoided, and that leave us feeling powerless. This is a recipe for anger, but you can also tell that anger is probably not the only thing we're feeling in these situations - right? Anger doesn't happen in a vacuum. We can feel angry at the same time that we're scared or sad or feeling a host of other emotions. But here's the thing. These provocations - they aren't making us mad. At least not on their own, and we know that because if they were, we'd all get angry over the same things, and we don't. The reasons I get angry are different than the reasons you get angry, so there's got to be something else going on. What is that something else? Well, we know what we're doing and feeling at the moment of that provocation matters. We call this the pre-anger state. Are you hungry, are you tired? Are you anxious about something else, are you running late for something? When you're feeling those things, those provocations feel that much worse. But what matters the most is not the provocation, it's not the pre-anger state, it's this: it's how we interpret that provocation, it's how we make sense of it in our lives. When something happens to us, we first decide: is this good or bad; is it fair or unfair; is it blameworthy; is it punishable? That's primary appraisal, it's when you evaluate the event itself. We decide what it means in the context of our lives, and then, once we've done that, we decide how bad it is. That's secondary appraisal. We say, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened, or can I cope with this?" To illustrate that, I want you to imagine you are driving somewhere. Before I go any further, I should tell you if I were an evil genius, and I wanted to create a situation that was going to make you mad, that situation would look a lot like driving. (Laughter) It's true. You are, by definition, on your way somewhere, so everything that happens - traffic, other drivers, road construction - it feels like it's blocking your goals. There are all these written and unwritten rules of the road, and those rules are routinely violated right in front of you, usually without consequence. And who's violating those rules? Anonymous others, people you will never see again, making them a very easy target for your wrath. (Laughter) So you're driving somewhere, thus teed up to be angry, and the person in front of you is driving well below the speed limit. It's frustrating because you can't really see why they're driving so slow. Right? That's primary appraisal. You've looked at this and you said, "It's bad and it's blameworthy." But maybe you also decide it's not that big a deal. You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter. That's secondary appraisal. You don't get angry. But now imagine you're on your way to a job interview. What that person is doing - it hasn't changed. Right? So, primary appraisal doesn't change: still bad, still blameworthy. But your ability to cope with it sure does because all of a sudden, you're going to be late to that job interview. All of a sudden, you are not going to get your dream job, the one that was going to give you piles and piles of money - right? (Laughter) Somebody else is going to get your dream job, and you're going to be broke. You're going to be destitute. You might as well stop now, turn around, move in with your parents. (Laughter) Why? Because of this person in front of me. Scratch that; this is not a person. This is a monster. (Laughter) And this monster is here just to ruin your life. (Laughter) Now, that thought process, it's called catastrophizing, the one where we make the worst of things. It's one of the primary types of thoughts that we know is associated with chronic anger. But there's a couple of others. Misattributing causation. Angry people tend to put blame where it doesn't belong, not just on people, but actually inanimate objects as well. If you think that sounds ridiculous, think about the last time you lost your car keys, and you said, "Where did those car keys go?" Because you know they ran off on their own. (Laughter) They tend to overgeneralize. They use words like always, never, every. "This always happens to me." "I never get what I want." Or, "I hit every stoplight on the way here today." Demandingness - they put their own needs ahead of the needs of others. "I don't care why this person is driving so slow. They need to speed up or move over so I can get to this job interview." And finally, inflammatory labeling. They call people fools, idiots, monsters, or a whole bunch of things I've been told not to say in this TED talk. (Laughter) For a long time, psychologists have referred to these as cognitive distortions or even irrational beliefs, and yes, sometimes they are irrational. Maybe even most of the time. But sometimes, these thoughts are totally rational. There is unfairness in the world. There are cruel, selfish people, and it's not only okay to be angry when we're treated poorly, it's right to be angry when we're treated poorly. If there's one thing I want you to remember from my talk today, it's this: Your anger exists in you as an emotion because it offered your ancestors, both human and non human, with an evolutionary advantage. Just as your fear alerts you to danger, your anger alerts you to injustice. It's one of the ways your brain communicates to you that you have had enough. What's more, it energizes you to confront that injustice. Think for a second about the last time you got mad. Your heart rate increased, your breathing increased, you started to sweat. That's your sympathetic nervous system, or fight-or-flight system, kicking in to offer you the energy you need to respond. And that's just the stuff you noticed. At the same time, your digestive system slowed down so you can conserve energy. That's why your mouth went dry. Your blood vessels dilated to get blood to your extremities. That's why your face went red. It's all part of this complex pattern of physiological experiences that exist today because they helped your ancestors deal with cruel and unforgiving forces of nature. The problem is that the thing your ancestors did to deal with their anger, to physically fight, they're no longer reasonable or appropriate. You can't and you shouldn't swing a club every time you're provoked. (Laughter) But here's the good news. You are capable of something your non-human ancestors weren't capable of, and that is the capacity to regulate your emotions. Even when you want to lash out, you can stop yourself, and you can channel that anger into something more productive. So often when we talk about anger, we talk about how to keep from getting angry. We tell people to calm down or relax; we even tell people to let it go. All of that assumes that anger is bad, and that it's wrong to feel it. But instead, I like to think of anger as a motivator. The same way your thirst motivates you to get a drink of water, the same way your hunger motivates you to get a bite to eat, your anger can motivate you to respond to injustice. Because we don't have to think too hard to find things we should be mad about. When we go back to the beginning, yes, some of those things are silly and not worth getting angry over, but racism, sexism, bullying, environmental destruction - those things are real, those things are terrible, and the only way to fix them is to get mad first, and then channel that anger into fighting back. You don't have to fight back with aggression or hostility or violence. There are infinite ways that you can express your anger. You can protest; you can write letters to the editor; you can donate to and volunteer for causes. You can create art; you can create literature; you can create poetry and music. You can create a community that cares for one another and does not allow those atrocities to happen. So the next time you feel yourself getting angry, instead of trying to turn it off, I hope you'll listen to what that anger is telling you, and then I hope you'll channel it into something positive and productive. Thank you. (Applause)

Frequently Occurring Word Combinations

ngrams of length 2

collocation	frequency
anger researcher	2
secondary appraisal	2
primary appraisal	2
job interview	2

Important Words

ability
accidentally
advantage
advantages
aggression
alerts
ancestors
anger
angry
anonymous
answers
anxious
applause
appraisal
assumes
atrocities
attest
avoided
bad
bathroom
beginning
beliefs
belong
bet
big
bite
blame
blameworthy
blocked
blocking
blood
book
brain
breaking
breathing
broke
bullying
bunch
call
called
calm
capable
capacity
caps
car
care
cares
case
catastrophizing
causation
changed
channel
chapter
chew
chronic
club
cognitive
colleagues
common
communicates
community
complex
comprehensive
confront
consequence
conserve
construction
context
conversations
cope
counter
couple
create
cries
cruel
dad
damages
danger
date
day
deal
decade
decide
deffenbacher
definition
delays
demandingness
destitute
destruction
details
differently
digestive
dilated
distortions
donate
dr
dream
drink
drive
drivers
drives
driving
dry
dutiful
easy
eat
emotion
emotions
energizes
energy
environmental
essentially
evaluate
event
everyday
evil
evolutionary
examples
exist
exists
expected
experiences
express
extremities
face
fact
fair
family
fascinating
fear
feel
feeling
feels
fight
fighting
fights
finally
find
fix
fools
force
forces
forgotten
friend
friends
front
frustrating
frustrations
general
generating
genius
give
global
goals
good
grief
gross
gym
happen
happened
hard
healthy
hear
heart
helped
hit
honestly
hope
horrible
host
hostility
human
hunger
hungry
hurry
idiots
illustrate
imagine
important
inanimate
including
increased
infinite
inflammatory
injustice
interferes
internet
interpret
interview
irrational
irritate
jerry
job
judge
keys
kicking
kidding
labeling
language
lash
late
laughter
lean
learned
leave
left
letters
life
limit
line
list
listen
lives
long
longer
looked
loses
lost
lot
loudly
mad
major
making
marred
matter
matters
means
messing
milk
minor
misattributing
mom
moment
moments
money
monster
monsters
months
motivate
motivates
motivator
mouth
move
music
named
natural
nature
nervous
news
night
noticed
objects
occasions
oddly
offer
offered
overgeneralize
parents
part
pattern
people
person
personal
physically
physiological
pick
piles
place
plug
poetry
poorly
positive
powerful
powerless
primary
problem
problematic
problems
process
productive
professional
protests
provocation
provocations
provoked
psychologists
public
punishable
put
racism
rage
ran
rate
rational
rattle
reads
real
reasonable
reasons
recipe
red
referred
regulate
relate
relationships
remember
researcher
respond
ridiculous
road
roundabout
roundabouts
routinely
ruin
rules
running
sad
scared
scary
scratch
secondary
secretly
selfish
sense
sexism
share
shirt
silly
simple
situation
situations
slow
slowed
slowly
sounds
special
specific
speed
spend
spent
spirit
sports
started
state
stop
stoplight
stories
story
study
studying
stuff
sudden
suggestions
super
surprisingly
sweat
swing
sympathetic
system
talk
target
team
tease
ted
teed
teenage
telling
tend
terrible
text
themes
therapist
thirst
thought
thoughts
time
tired
today
told
totally
traffic
travel
treated
true
turn
types
ultimately
understand
understanding
unfair
unfairness
unforgiving
universal
unpleasant
unwritten
vacations
vacuum
vessels
violated
violating
violence
volunteer
walk
wanted
water
ways
weather
weddings
wet
words
work
world
worse
worst
worth
wrath
write
written
wrong
wrote
yeah
years
yelling